
# 2024.what.a.year.

you had fun. you were stressed. you struggled.

however, despite all that, you've managed to get passed it.
was it worth it? absolutely. i usually post this kind of stuff around the end of the year, but this time i took the first week o january as a "reflection" period. it was quite good to go back and reflect. i won't get into details. i would rather keep the personal things personal. in a previous post i did talk more about the personal. not this time.

to be honest, i wrote this post because i got a new keyboard and wanted to type something longer on it. it's good practice to get used to it. other than that, i'm good. better than good. things are looking up.

you kept saying that "this.is.your.year". it wasn't 2023, but 2024 got close. there are still stuff on the to do list, but it's getting ticked one thing at a time. one small step at a time.

here's a hopefull 2025.

this.

### is.

## your.

# year.


2024. a review.


or rather. was your year. as it's december and 2023 is coming to an end, people usually look back, reflect and think about the future.

i'm not good at that, but i'll try to summarize it.

## #1 i got a tattoo

if you would've told me that i was gonna get a tattoo this year, i'd probably look weird at you.

if you added that i would get a tattoo with my mom, i'd probably called you crazy.
but that did happen. not only did i got a tattoo and i also got sort of a matching tattoo with my mom. to top it off, the one i got with my mom was actually our first tattoo. sooo, yeah. that happened.

## #2 work

i finally got into a rhythm at work. i got to a place where i'm good and valued.
sure there has been some shit going on in the past few weeks / months that have thrown me off, but all in all, i think it's good.

i got some momemtun, but i fear it's going away. honestly, i think i'm just tired.

## #3 404 not found

**_ page section not found _**

so that's it. i didn't do that much, but i certainly did more than other years.

## so what's next?

honestly, i have no clue. i just kinda roll with it. i have the tools to deal with stuff. at least i think i do. sure, i stumble sometimes and feel lost, but instead of wallowing in my own cesspool of self-doubt and self-pity, i claw out and try to pull myself back together.
that was a mouthfull.

anyway. you get the point...

was it the year that i hoped for? no, not even close. i never thought i'd do these things.

### this is.

## your.

# year.


this is your year


i'm back on autopilot i guess. feels like i'm throwing away a year of therapy out the window. i might be... or i might be shutting down. trying to make sense of everything that is happening might be too much, so i fall back on old patterns. patterns that helped me in the past. well, i say help, but being on autopilot isn't all that healthy. you forget about friends, your hobbies, your interests and, most importantly, you forget about yourself.

i guess it was bound to happen. there's just too much. or too litle and you're overthinking again.

fuck knows.

### you can bounce back though.

## you can always bounce back.

take a step back.
breathe.
pick apart the problems.
bit by bit.
figure it out.

just do something. break the loop. debug the shit...

where do i wanna go with this? no freaking clue, but i got it out. that's the most important bit.

you got this.

## this

## is

## your

## year


this.autopilot = true


my biggest fear. my fear of heights. i've been wanting to do this for a while now. never had the chance, or rather, i never created the chance.

there's a lot of ifs and whats and what ifs. but i'm doing it. i sure hope i won't break anything. i don't need anything else broken at the moment. ah, who am i kidding, everything is broken.

why am i lying to myself? nothing is broken. you feel determined. i feel determined. remember what you promised yourself when you were drinking drain cleaner? nothing is broken. and even if it breaks, time will heal, you will heal.

you've always sprung back. clawed your way out of everything.

hmmm... writing feels good, i am doing a bit often as it seems.

keep at it.


tomorrow i face my fear


## throw it all out

down the drain. add some drain cleaner if you have to. this thing i'm drinking kinda tastes like drain cleaner. yes, i may be drunk again.

but it does take some alcohol to maybe see some things more clearly. all my life i've been relying on someone to give me a push. that little boost that makes you do things. things that are uncomfortable. things that may seem _meh_, but in the end are _wow_. things that you end up liking.

it's time i become that person for myself. it's time i do the pushing. it's time i take matters into my own hands. i sure hope i remember writing this. not to worry. you'll send this to someone that will make you remember.

time to finish drinking this drain clea... uh, i mean cuba...

this.is.your.year.

remember that.

remember...

that...


throw it all out


## what's the point?

what's the whole point? you get out there, you put yourself out there. for what? you're just setting yourself for disappointment. such is life, i guess...

but i'm tired. so **tired**. i honestly don't know why i keep doing this. i thought i was ready. i suppose i am ready. i'm happy alone. i don't know where i'm going with this. i'm just venting. ranting...

it just doesn't seem fair. like i said, such is life. life isn't fair, it never was.

i guess i just have to take it one step at a time. i got other stuff on my plate. the "blue fury" will be retired and a new one will come. i can't wait. this is what i'm excited for at the moment.

i kept saying to myself "this is your year". i still think that.

this **IS** your year...


what's the point


hello there, i am drunk.

it's been a while since i've been drunk. i don't know why i'm writing while drunk, but i want to.

## it's been a while and i wanted to be drunk

usually when people are drunk, they text their ex, write their crush or whatever. i'm writing...

## so what's the big deal?

i honestly don't know. i have exes. i don't have crush at the moment. i really don't... i enjoy being single. it's probably the first time i'm single and i'm happy that i'm single. i actually enjoy it. that's why i'm writing.

i'm currently on vacation and i honestly have nothing to do. i told myself that i'd read more. instead i'm drinking and writing. still, no one is following this. nobody cares. someone cares. i wish i knew. it's nice to know that someone cares. my cat prolly cares, although she's currently meowing. don't know why. i never know why. frustrating. prolly frustrating to her as welll.

what am i doing?

lost my train of thought. did i had a train of thought to begin with? (**most likely not**)

i'll post this and share it tomorrow. with whom? i know not (**good job shakespeare - yeah i had to google how to spell it**).

anyway... what was i saying?

f\*ck knows, i'm drunk...


it's been a while since i've been drunk. i don't know why i'm writing while drunk, but i want to.

i am drunk


i've been thinking. should i try and write daily? i mean, do i want to give people access to my thoughts? probably not... but these are not necessarily thoughts. these are _random thoughts_, so these are not _that important_.

what was i saying? ah right, about writing daily. probably be best not to force myself. but hey, apparently i'm writing now. i'm rambling to be honest. probably shouldn't.

## who cares though?

i certainly don't. at least by doing this i'm forcing myself to order some of my thoughts. something i could be doing in my bullet journal, but that's a bit too analog... what's a bullet journal you might ask? i'll talk about it someday. maybe tomorrow. oh wait, tomorrow i gotta clean the house. ah well, maybe i'll write about something else.

i'll write about the bullet journal, eventually. if you want to learn about it **now**, here are some links:

- [bullet journal website](https://bulletjournal.com/)
- [bullet journal youtube](https://www.youtube.com/@bulletjournal)
- [how to bullet journal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm15cmYU0IM)


post no 2


i've been trying to **_relaunch_** this website for a while now. i'm going to keep it as a separate thing. for now...

it's going to be exactly what it says. `random thoughts from a chaotic mind`

here you'll find random things that pop into my mind and are worth sharing. or at least that are worth sharing **to me**. be it rants, recipes, tips or whatever. for now here's a list of things that i used to build this:

- [tailwindcss](tailwindcss.com)
  - it appears everybody is using it and actually it really helpful if you want to learn `css`
  - most argue that it isn't proper `css`, but it's fast, easy to use & the docs are pretty solid
- [Next JS 13](nextjs.org)
  - React on crack
  - has support for server-side stuff
  - relatively easy to learn & use
    - currently using the component stuff, nothing related to state as this is a static site
  - very good alternative for SSG (static site generation)
- Hosted & built on [Vercel](vercel.com)
  - these guys also built Next JS
  - great free alternative to [GitHub Pages](pages.github.com)
- Code hosted on [GitHub](https://github.com/robertiagar/robertiagar.com-v2)

that's about it. this site will prolly evolve over time, but right now i'm going to use it as a clean slate. sort of a new start. we all need them from time to time.

best regards,

Robert
